Reflections, Part I

Tonight's one of those late nights where the mind wanders and the inner spirit tremors with worry, with trepidation.  So many times I've wanted to write, yet so many times it's been easier to wrap myself in my blanket, close my eyes and wish for my mind to clear and allow myself some calm wave of inner peace.

Not tonight.

Where do I begin? To look ahead to the future would be just to look at my past.  What has happened within the past year?

My little girl is about to turn 9 months this week, and I'm not kidding when time really does fly by. She's a real beauty, at least I'm reassured by others, and we all love her to pieces. Not to belittle the presence of my two older boys, but she has made our lives complete, filling me with pensive joy even when I'm on Hour 2 of rocking her to sleep because she needed the extra comfort. Jokes on her when it is really I who needs the comfort, and I'm glad to hold her a little bit longer in the darkness of her room.

I'll be returning to work in a couple of months, two months early (who's counting? I am.) Financially, it's the most logical choice, but emotionally it's been a battle.  Loving this little girl, holding her with me all day, knowing this will likely be the last child I will bear as I approach my 40's, I don't want to let go. As much as I could never be a stay-at-home mother, it is essentially that which I seemed to have enjoyed these past few months. I wished the hiatus would last as long as allowed but I'd be lying to myself that we wouldn't be crushed financially by doing so.  Partly to blame could be my husband who decided to start his own plumbing business when I was pregnant (self-employment isn't exactly lucrative, yet, anyways), but I can't fault what we agreed upon as a couple --through thick and thin, richer or poorer. No, it is what it is. We want the house, we gotta pay for it.  We'll need a larger vehicle, and I haven't found anyone giving any of those away for free. Not to mention the kids' winter and spring hockey seasons (nevermind the hubby's), going back to work early should be a no-brainer.  But no one ever said that I didn't have to go back feeling happy about it.

I'll also be returning to my Masters degree program in January.  Scared shitless? Uh huh. It was hard enough heading back to school after 15 years. I persevered and had many late nights reading, typing papers, finishing projects, and by the time I took my leave from school, I had at least an 80% average. How the hell am I supposed to do that again? I don't know if I have enough juice in me to tackle another 8 courses and a thesis (don't get me started on that! Unless you have an idea for a topic!). Life is different now compared to a year ago. People said I'm crazy for being a mom, working full time and going to school. Yep, I am, I'd say, and would have probably elbowed you to the wall and ask if you had a problem with that. Ask me today and likely I'd likely bow my head and feel the self-doubts fill my throat and teary eyes swell as I cower away. I won't know my new cohort, and I imagine the half year of school I do have left will be spent in a virtual isolation booth, with no one to commiserate with,  no one to rely on for help. So wants to help a "mother" (gasp!) in the classroom? Not these young, enthusiastic, twenty-somethings I heard this cohort mostly consists of.

But not all my days are filled with this dread and forlorness. In anticipation of returning back to my old self, my old life, I've been running more and watching my eating habits, to fit into my old clothes again.  I can breathe better, deeper, now, especially after a long run. Many people hate running because it's hard, but ironically it's because it's hard that I find running appealing.  The mental challenge of the repetitiveness pushes me, the monotony of my breathing speaks rhythms to my mind. In the last 50 days, I've lost 11 pounds. And I can, for the most part, fit back into my jeans I used to wear before I was pregnant. Not one to shy away from challenges (obviously), I have another 10 pounds on my radar, 15, tops.

Fast forward to January 6, 2014's post....as my reflections on this night kept me away from completion....

Weight Loss Journey: Complete! Next Challenge...

I finally did it! As of October 1st, I officially weighed-in at 120lbs, a 33-lb loss from when I started Weight Watchers on May 28, 18 weeks earlier.

I had been about 2-3 lbs within Goal for about 5 weeks straight, and I was certain that I would have another week at 122 lb. Without much resentment, I stimulated my metabolism by eating more than I usually would and, lo and behold, that seemed to have done the trick!

I'm currently on what's called Maintenance, where I get a few more extra points each day (5 pts), to up my caloric intake. Funny, after one week of Maintenance, I happened to lose ANOTHER 2 lbs, so that I now sit at 118. Apparently it may take a while for my body to re-stabilize, so a weight loss here and there may occur.

So, what's next, you ask? Now that I've reached my weight-loss goal, what do I do next? Other than go shopping (which I soooo have to do. I kid you not: the size 8 jeans I have are swimming on me that I can literally pull them down to my knees without unbuckling them! I'm now fitting my size 4 Gap khakis once again!), I'm concentrating on developing a good, solid running base so that I can train for that half marathon I've been raving about recently.

I had been taking kickboxing classes since the beginning of July and decided that for the month of October, I'd quit for a while and go invest in another pair of runners. My last pair has definitely seen 500 miles and would never see me through another training season. So, I hit up my local running store with a friend and bought these pretty little toe-covers:

Hot Pink! The NB 769's. Love them! Going for a run in them is awesome. They feel a bit different than the other New Balance shoes I used to use, the 1022's from six years ago.

(Technical notes: 769 is for mild overpronators, a cushioning, moderate stability shoe. Not as technical as the 1224's in terms of cushioning, but remains reponsive.)

So, with these, I'm hoping to run 3-4x a week, logging between 10-13 miles. I figure the next 12 weeks will take me into the New Year with a good conditioning base on which to start my Half Mara training. I probably have an extra 5 weeks in the New Year before the "official" training schedule gets followed, so I still have a buffer, should I need to repeat some training weeks if my body needs it.

I started running outdoors this week, and have only ran about 6 miles so far. Plotting my run routes, logging my miles and strength training (lunges, pushups, squats, etc) is occupying much of my time now. Not to mention that I had to figure out my plan-of-attack when it came to deciding when to run and how far and how often. I don't want to over-train (nor under-train!) or not schedule my runs in at all (since how likely will I go out and do them, then?).

I'm feeling sleek and fast, even though I'm still a snail by a racer's standards. I'm enjoying myself, in my own skin, more aware than ever how my body moves as I walk, run. My larger clothes serve as a reminder of the miracle that has occurred; my depression has lifted. I can move around my bedroom without banging my hips against the footboard and howling in pain and crying about not clearing it. I am less concerned about the once-apparent muffin top I carried and more concerned about which muffin recipe to try out.

I'm happy.

Now, I'm a happy, running fool.

"Run, Forrest, Run"

My Diet Secret

It's not really a diet secret, or a secret in general...but I do believe it helps in in overall health and is a MUST for health-conscious people.

Everyone's heard that Omega-3 and Omega-6 fats are essential fatty acids (EFAs), meaning that our bodies cannot create these and we must obtain these from our diet. Low levels or the wrong ratio may contribute to several illnesses. But I won't go into great detail here, since I'm no expert in the field (heck, we all know how to google, right?)

Back when I took my very first actual Bootcamp in Fall '07 (the reason I started to blog in the first place, you can read my chronicles here), I was introduced to a product call Udo's Oil. I take the DHA 3-6-9 Blend, an ideal 2:1:1 ratio of unrefined of EFAs.


Here's a copy of the little blurb I have cut out and placed on my fridge, to remind me to take my Udo's:

EAT FAT, GET FIT

Omega-3 and Omega-6 essential fatty acids (EFAs) are an athlete's best friend. These "fitness fats" have been shown to improve stamina and endurance, and increase development of lean muscle. Many people notice that when consuming EFAs, physical co-ordination improves, while recovery time is reduced and inflammation (especially of weight-bearing joints) decreases. A vital part of brain activity, EFAs contribute to proper nerve function, resulting in quickened reflexes, faster learning and an improved ability to focus. In addition, EFAs increase thermogenesis, allowing you to burn calories (and fat) even when at rest.

Aren't these good reasons to take your EFAs?

Here's a link of celebrity trainer, Ashley Borden, on Tyra, touting Udo's oil as a must-have.

Visit udoerasmus.com to read up on Udo Erasmus' groundbreaking work in introducing the importance of flaxseed oil over 20 years ago:

For more information on where to buy Udo's, visit the Flora website:

                      USA     CANADA

Another Update - a Vacation, a Netbook, and a Baby.

All I seem to be doing is updates!

I'm finding it difficult to put in some blogging time, as I've been soooo busy lately. With a cousin's wedding, then a quick little vacation, I'm finally back home, trying to get back into Routine.

I'll have to update this post with pics, but I went to my cousin's wedding last weekend. It amazes me, how we're all getting older, us cousins are getting married and starting families and our own family traditions continuing where our parents left off. Being one of the older cousins in town (ok, the oldest one), it warms my heart to witness this all, but breaks it, because life is quickly passing by.

But enough being sappy -- it's almost 2 am and I tend to always get carried away, deeply reflecting on life when all I really need is some chocolate. :)

I just got back from beautiful Kelowna, BC. There are several (maybe only 1 or 2 major ones?) forest fires in the area, but whatever smoke and ash we noticed when we arrived last Tuesday seemed to dissipate since then, or at least we didn't notice it much.


View Larger Map


We had a great stay in a beach home we rented for the past 6 days. The place was kid-friendly, with a private sandy beach and dock, a large yard. The home was pleasantly decorated and provided more than we needed to be comfortable during our stay. If you caught my Tweets on my blog, you would have gotten some updates along the way, including my brief margarita escapades playing a horrible round of Rummy. I guess alcohol and cards don't mix well with me! But it didn't help that I was Facebooking and Twittering at the same on my netbook to pay attention to anything else!

And, yes, folks, I finally got my netbook! An Asus 1005HA-PU1X, the Premium edition. I promised myself that when I hit 130 lbs I would buy one for myself. So, preempting that I would hit the mark during or just before my vacation, I bought one, and playing around with it briefly for a week, not feeling all-deserving of it yet. But last week Tuesday, the morning I left for vacation, I hit 130 lbs! My "official" weigh-in wasn't until Thursday, but it would've been odd to lug a scale with me 300+ km across the province for a 5-sec weigh in, so I weighed myself on that Tuesday. I just hope if I did gain weight on this vacation, I've got a few more days to try and correct myself until Thursday rolls around again.

On another note, my littlest boy turned 8 months last Tuesday. That morning he learned to sit up by himself, from a lying position. Next thing you know, he'll be able to pull himself up to standing. He's already making attempts at crawling, learning to get on his hands and knees. He sorta rotates around now and makes great reaches for anything just beyond him but just hasn't taken that one knee forward to go anywhere yet.

He's growing up fast...I wish he was still a little tiny baby!

Here are some pics from this past week:

- few pics from our little tour of Mission Hill Family Estate Winery Gorgeous scenery! I bought a bottle of their Five Vineyards 2007 Pinot Grigio for us, and a Reserve 2007 Pinot Gris for my Dad. I almost bought their SLC 2005 Syrah for $45, but decided to not get all alcoholic since, technically, I'm still breastfeeding. :P

Their award-winning restaurant situated above the grassy amphitheatre, with a vineyard backdrop:

The only winery in Canada to have their own clock tower, which opens down into their cellar below:

Example of the beautiful architecture:


The family, sitting on the dock one evening:



At a waterslide park, after Mr. B ate all his oatmeal:


And, lastly, the yield from our impromptu berry-picking session, while driving home from Kelowna, we pulled over to feed Mr. B after a long-crying bout, and magically parking in front of a huge blackberry bush growing wild, as they do around here:


The perfect ending to start a new week off!

My Weight Loss Journey So Far

I'm not going to lie to you...I was fat.

But, all things considered, I was not terribly obese, at 153 lbs, having just had my second baby 5.5 months earlier, I was considered "normal", dodging comments like "you'll lose the weight soon" and "you just had a baby".

But, I kid you not, I felt fat, and was.

My hips made me waddle, my thighs rubbed together a lot more than I recalled, I had sandbags for biceps. It wasn't good.

So, after being 153 for a few months, having not shed a pound (ok, I wasn't eating properly, it's a wonder I didn't GAIN), I thought I'd take it into my own hands.

I had to do something!

I decided to join Weight Watchers Online on May 28, 2009. I didn't want to pay for meetings that I couldn't attend, with being a mom of two after all, and despite the fact I didn't want to pay for something online that I didn't know what I was getting in return, I was hesitant.

But I did it anyway, and this is where it got me...

I weighed in last Thursday, July 23, at 132 lbs. I'd lost 21 pounds in 8 weeks.

How did I manage to lose this much, in a relatively short amount of time?

One: I'm a perfectionist. I like rules. I follow them.

There are no hard rules on the Weight Watcher's program. You're given a total daily points value, each food has points, add them up, make sure you're not over your daily points. You get extra weekly points to use as you see fit during the week, to use up daily or in one shot. You get activity points for the exercise you do during the week, which you can also exchange for food points. Not using up all your WP or AP doesn't guarantee you'll lose more weight but it is encouraged to use them up.

I've been pretty good at using up my WP, with all the summer BBQs and gatherings this summer, but I do try to mostly use up only my DP, as I know I can get carried away with eating if I "let go".

I've been pretty happy with what I'm eating day to day. Lots of fruits and salads, whole grains. I do need to add more veggies than I'm currently eating, but that will come in time. Hydrating is challenging and is a contant battle to up my water intake. I've had to limit my starch intake (I love rice and breads!) and cut out butter in my diet (so sad...). I'm working on slowly adding back in limited amounts of guilty desserts, but I don't want to tempt myself, so I'm happy to just cut them out for now.

My ultimate goal is to return to my 120 lb frame -- my "blushing bride" days, if you will. Here's a pic to remind myself what I mean:


Right now, I'm working my way, slowly, to 130lb, when I promised I would buy myself a netbook, a little gift for losing 23 pounds and breaking through the 140's and arriving at the bottom 130's/top 120's.

I'm almost there. I few more kickboxing classes and some more time on my treadmill will help me, as well as supportive family.

I recently tried on an old pair of size 8 jeans, which magically fit me! My size 12 jeans now hang in my closet, collecting dust.

I may not return to my size 4, but I'll be giving it all I've got!

An Update: Random Musings

I haven't had the time to blog much, and although I've been tweeting occasionally, it's not nearly enough to feed my online addiction.

What has been happening recently?

1) I recently bought a webcam a couple of days ago so that I can Skype with out-of-town family members. I really wanted to use it to Skype with my brother but turns out his own computer is infected and he hasn't had it looked at yet, and he can't download anything onto his Work laptop. So the only person I've Skyped with is my cousin and daughter who happen to only live 10 blocks away! At least I know the darn thing works!

This webcam will at least tie me over until I buy that netbook I've been craving the past few weeks.

2) I officially weighed in at 138 lbs this morning, marking a 15-lb weight loss since going on this Weight Watchers journey 5 weeks ago. I have this weekly ritual when I weigh myself each Thursday: I nurse the Mr. B when he starts to squawk at 6:30ish, use the washroom, strip down naked (my wristwatch included!) and then weigh myself, crossing my fingers hoping I somehow learned to magically levitate on the scale even for a brief second.

I've had a few BBQs to go to recently, with a couple this week alone (Happy Canada Day yesterday!), and I managed to eat healthy or at least portion control each time. I'm pretty damn proud of myself, if I do say so. After months of not losing anything, being on this program has really made me realize that I don't need food when I'm bored or stressed, the two occasions that happen to often overlap each other often several times a day. I'm trying to think of food as fuel, paying attention to my satiety signals and eating more fibrous foods to give me that "full" feeling. Also helps that I'm exercising more, which brings me to my next update...

3) I'm able to run a lot better on my treadmill compared to when I started. I used to be able to run for 45 min continuously at an average 6.2 mi/hr but found it disappointing when I could only run for 1 minute at 5.0 mi/hr! I'm now up to a 3 min run with a 1 min walk in between sets. My goal right now is to be able to run 30 min straight, then I'll work on speed. I'm trying to work my way back to road running, and perhaps next year get a few more races under my belt.

4) Meanwhile, I've started my kickboxing class this past Monday and it was great! The warm up was a killer, and I could definitely see the classes helping me tone up. Today is the first day that I can't feel my glutes tightening up as I walk! My back muscles is still sore, as are my arms, but the pain is subsiding...in time for tomorrow's workout!

5) My microwave blew last Friday, and I had to wait 4 days before getting another one that was going on sale. Those days were brutal! You really just don't know how much you depend on quick, hot food until your microwave is gone! I had to resort to pan-heating or toaster-oven-heating or double-boiling all our foods. And the leftovers that went wasted in the meantime? Don't get me started on that...a perfectly good steak down the tube (really...how do you reheat steak without a microwave and not cooking it past well-done? )

6) I went shopping for a birthday gift on the weekend and ended up stopping by Reitman's and bought a cute summer tank that, admittedly, fits awesome. Tried it on in the changing room: hangs nicely? Check. No noticeable flab poking through? Check. Machine washable? Check. Universal colour pattern? Check. Sold!

I have to go do more shopping, now that I can at least camouflage whatever flab I've still got going on! I've got a wedding to attend in a month, and hope to find something good!

So, that's it for now! Now you're up-to-date!

Reading Between The Lines

Ok, this is not a Debbie Gibson post, even though none of you know that Reading Between The Lines came from her 1988 Album Out of The Blue...but I digress...

Have you ever been told something and then thought later, "oh, did they mean ME?" Being oblivious to a lot of things these days, I think this happened to me today.

As you may be aware, I tweeted today about considering joining a cardio kickbox session this summer. 18 classes. Not for the faint-of-heart, literally. The instructor requires a doctor's note approving participation in his program if you've given birth in the past 12 months.

First off, birthing is the most kick-ass workout your body can have (rah rah, mommies!)...but all kidding aside, yes, he wants approval. Having never spoken to the instructor before besides emails, this guy likes to talk. He rambles on on how he believes in the safety of his participants and doesn't want anyone to injure themselves in the process. A verbal yes from the doctor isn't good enough, as I SUPPOSE there are people out there who, because they desire to do their body GOOD and not HARM themselves in the process (!), will actually PRETEND that their doctor said it's okay to join when in fact it would be unsafe, for whatever reasons. Um, why would I intentionally subject myself to the pain of his classes, thinking I was helping myself when in fact the opposite would be true, and waste my money in the process because I hurt myself so bad I would have to bow out and not receive any refunds? I can find plenty of ways to hurt myself (walking included) that don't cost me a dime! Okay, fella, I'll go get that doctor's note...

So my doctor's office is mailing me a note, at no charge (because EVERYTHING is starting to cost something these days). But in the last email the instructor sends me, outlining how his cardio kickboxing class is "unlike any bootcamp class out there", "extremely high-impact", involving "kicking and punching pads at full speed" (oh, so you don't say....BRING IT ON!), he continues to beat me down with his worries about injuries. Okay, I get the picture!

So, here's the kicker. In his post-script, he asks me who referred me to him, as he doesn't advertise and he likes "to screen people coming into the class to make sure they don't bring negative vibes or trouble to the class."

So, with the Mommy Brain I have, it dawns on me an hour later..."does he mean ME? I would bring negative vibes? I would bring trouble? He's screening ME?" I don't get screened...

First off, bring on your silly little martial arts class and let me kick ass. Secondly, I'm the most unobtrusive character he'll probably ever have in his class. I don't talk in large groups (though I can, but refuse to unless asked), I don't crack jokes (though I can, but I doubt anyone would find me funny), and I don't complain (though I can, but why pay him to listen? I get that at home for free!).

Am I reading between the lines, or what? Is it me or was that condescending?

Has this ever happened to you?

PS: The instructor has since emailed me back and acknowledged my misinterpretation of his email. In his lengthy email (again!) he explains his expectations to each new participant and will actually refuse people entry or ask them to leave if this is the case. He has since invited me to watch a class before committing.

Geez, it's like I'm joining The Armed Forces or something.

"Apology" accepted.

Photo Credit:

Boxing Gloves by andysteel

Success, One Pound At A Time

As you may have read, I joined Weight Watchers last week, in an attempt to lose the 33 pounds I gained over 2 pregnancies. Every week, I'm supposed to weigh in (WI) and record it. Today marked my first WI.

I lost 6 pounds! I'm sure most of it is water or cleansing of some sort. I'm actually eating better while on WW, getting in my fruits and vegetables (extra fiber, hence cleansing), cutting out the unhealthy starches I used to consume. I don't imagine that I'll be losing as much each week, but at least it's working for now!

Now that I'm no longer exclusively breastfeeding, but supplementing with solid foods and formula, my Points Allowance got reduced by 5...that's like a whole meal! With any luck, this week will be as easy and encouraging as the last.

Little successes at a time, right?

Weight Watching

So, I took the plunge!


I'm done "whale" watching and now am Weight Watching.

Enter: Weight Watchers Online!

Why, oh, why?

Well, I've been thinking about it for a while (registering, not the losing weight part) and I decided, "to hell with it!". I'm done trying to lose weight on my own. It ain't working! I used to be able to eat what I want, whenever I wanted, and I wouldn't gain weight. Although my metabolism wasn't the best on it's own (I exercised, at times like crazy), I still was able to maintain a 125 lb body.

Not anymore.

After having two kids, I'm so fed up with what I'm working with. I'm not talking about wider hips because of childbirth, but a wider butt that I don't recognize in the mirror. For crying out loud, I was a size 4 and now I'm an 11/12! That's just not acceptable!

TMI but, naked, I have a huge dimple in my right thigh. WTF?

So I signed up with WW Online and for $79 CDN for 3 months, I get:

* a tracking journal, for entering all my foods
* WW database of foods and their points
*a Points calculator to calculate points on foods they don't have recorded
* an online community for support
* a resource of articles
* a recipe builder, to calculate points for my own recipes

and a number of other things I haven't figured out yet. But it's a start...I've got to get moving on this!

First things first: gotta buy a new battery for my scale.

A few weeks ago, I tweeted that I broke my scale. It wouldn't go past 149 lbs! In fact, I didn't break it (phew!) but it just needed a new battery (For you Canadians: the President's Choice "Long Life" 9V battery lasted almost 7 years! pick some up!). Now I can confirm again with ridiculous glee that I am in fact 153 pounds of staggering blubber.


So, I'll be playing around online with my fancy, schmancy new tools to help me on my way to a beautiful, more slimmer me.

Oh, so help me, God!

Photos:

Puerto Madryn 2 by flash_mx
Scale 1 by peter_w