Reflections, Part II

Midnight.

I should be sleeping but I have to finish the reflections I started a couple of months ago, as tomorrow is the day I return to work.

I hoped tomorrow hadn't crept up so soon.

Am I ready to return to work? The tangible things aside (my lunch, extra utensils for my desk, a dozen chocolate chip cookies for the coworkers), I'm as prepared mentally as I figured I allowed myself.  I refuse to be ready to return, but aim for "adequately anxious".

Despite having an infant in the house, I actually have been extremely lucky to have been able to sleep in on most occasions, even after being rudely awoken at 4am. This past week alone I haven't been up before 9am; I don't know if I can get up at 6:30 every morning from now on.

It is what is it.

I hope that I have the strength to balance my life from hereon in.  Work. School. Family. A work-life balance will mean a lot more to me than it ever will, and I hope I don't lose perspective on what really counts in life.

Happy Birthday, Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter,

Today you were born.

If my life wasn't so blessed already with your two brothers and your daddy, one might say that there was no void for you to fill.  But my life is made more blessed with your presence, your little light.

I wonder what you have in store for us....I wonder what we have in store for you.  We've never had a little princess before, and that is what you shall remain in both your daddy's eyes and mine.

We love you and can't be more happier than we are today.

Mommy and Daddy,
February 1st, 2013

End of an Era...Sort Of.

And.....SEND!

"No more school, no more books, no more teachers, dirty looks!"

Kinda.....for now.

Having had one more paper left hanging from my last class that ended in December, I finally polished it off and hit that SEND button just minutes ago.

My last paper for the year.

As I breathe heavily and glance soulfully at the papers and textbooks strewn around me, I try to collect my feelings of.....accomplishment?  Of dread? Of forlornness?

My feelings are mixed: like waiting for the other shoe to drop, I'm waiting for the jubilee I expected from completing my final assignment before my pending maternity leave from work and school, but it's just not coming.  It's like I'm missing something: is it a fear? A fear of a lack of purpose in life?  Perhaps not a fear of a lack of purpose but perhaps a fear of being rejected from the life I knew, a built-up, dream-like state of academia life and being lost within my real reality, of family and obligations.

Is that wrong?

School will be there for me next January when I resume my degree, and although it's difficult to envision now, next January will come around so fast I'll likely be cursing the passage of time and longingly look back to what the future holds for me today.

So, as parallelisms go, as I gather my papers and close my books, I end another chapter in my life and open another one.  Instead of going to classes, taking notes, writing papers, one thing that will remain the same are my group projects, albeit of a different kind.

My group will now consist of my husband, my two little boys and my new little girl who arrives in 3 weeks, and my new projects will be more colourful, likely messy and dysfunctional, and most definitely more satisfying than I could possibly imagine.

Happy New Year, 2013!

I forgot that once upon a time, a long, long time ago, I used to make New Year's Resolutions each year.

Will lose weight.
Will exercise more.
Will eat healthier.

See a trend?

My resolutions were usually about improving the physical side of me.  Maybe because that's what seemed obvious.  Maybe because everyone was doing the same.

But I haven't made these resolutions in the longest time, nor do I remember when the last time I did so.

What happened to me?

I became a mom.

I see my kids' smiling faces each day, and I forget that my daily existence revolves around them.  And with a new baby just around the corner, I see the need to state the resolution that has gone unsaid, unspoken all these years:

Will be a better mom.

Sure, I'll be thinking about the losing weight, exercise more, eating healthier in the meantime.  But as I reflect on the meaning of a new beginning, a new year, what better way to pay homage to the one important role in my life that has given me meaning, shaped my life, and made me who I am today.  Not that I know HOW to be a better mom...but to try my hardest to enjoy my kids more,  shape them into responsible little citizens of the world, and to help them be who they are and what they know best: being a kid.

They're only young once, and so am I.

Happy New Year, 2013!  2012 was a year of many blessings, and I'm looking forward to year of another round of joyful surprises and happiness, for our family and for yours!

Kindergarten, Update!

It turns out that I have a lot of drafts on my Blogger dashboard (reaffirming my commitment to try and blog more rather than tweet), so I'll give a quick update on my Kindergarten Registration and Parlons Francais! posts on how my son is doing in school.

Yes, I applied to Early French Immersion, and we won the lottery (literally, the french immersion entrance lottery). The Kid's now been in school for over 5 months now, and he appears to be soaking it in. Although this kid isn't particularly shy, he's not a "singer and dancer", my term for his lack of artistic expressiveness. So determining if he has learned anything at all (remembering that a lot of kindergarten learning is done by rote and involves a lot of imitation through song), it was difficult to get him to sing anything, always given a "I forgot!" response.

Well, today, was one of the few times he actually offered to sing me a song, and a french song at that. Quite a feat, considering he doesn't even know many English songs (so much for beating Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star into him as a baby!). I had him repeat it several times on the ride over to my parents today, as all songs he does sing seem to begin from the back seat, and even though I couldn't understand most of it, it was very gratifying.

It's too bad they all can't stay kindergarteners forever.

I Tweet Too Much

That's my problem.


I've largely ignored my blog due to Twitter. For those who are on Twitter, you know what I'm talking about. There's no commitment to the tweets you make: they're random, tangent, in-the-moment, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of comments. And I'm very random.

I'm sort of a perfectionist, especially when it comes to my writing. That's where this blog takes an exit: my life right now is far from being perfect and I'm constantly trying to find this balance I'm yearning for, and I'm not there yet. Writing should be comforting for me, and it is, but I'm finding I do not have the time to commit to such a project. I prefer to write than to blog, and I'm thinking my definition of the two should be more similar than I let on.

So that being said, I'm going to try and blog more than tweet. Ok, a half-baked lie, since tweeting on a Blackberry is way more easier than blogging, but I'm going to try.

Here's ANOTHER update to complement my latest tweets....


1. Grad school

Yes, I'm apparently going through an early mid-life crisis and have decided that it's time to go back to school. Frankly, I'm fed up with the sh!t I put up with at work and figured there's a lot more to life than staring down a microscope and listening to my coworkers bitch about the bureaucracy and each other. And the only way I'm going to make more money than my current salary is if I move into management of some kind.

Enter grad school.

I was considering an MBA but instead of giving up the "wealth" (haha!) of knowledge I've learned from being in the health care sector, I'm going to try my hand at getting in the MHA program instead (Master of Health Administration). It's also cheaper, by about half ($30K!). This is an executive-style program, meaning I can still work full-time, pay for my mortgage, and still study my way out of my current job.

So far, I've put in my online application, created my CV, and told my three referees about sending in their Letters of Reference. All I've really got to work on for the next week is my Letter of Intent, where I outline why I should be allowed into the program and how I see it fit in my career goals.

I haven't started yet simply because "making more money and getting the hell out" of working in a laboratory doesn't seem to be convincing enough. I'm working on more tangible reasons. :)

And, in the meantime, I also have to start studying for this GMAT exam that I may have to challenge. I've bought all the books I need to study, yet, hoping against hope, that I'll be given a waiver to not write (long story, but there's a stipulation in the admissions policy that could be in my favour).

So, in true procrastination, the following has occupied my past few days...


2. MAC and Other Lemmings

I've always been in makeup, being gifted my first Cover Girl lipstick in Frosted Rose when I was 14. But, lately, past few years, I've been practically obsessed with it! I have some posts in this blog under the tagline "makeup" you can search for, if you're interested.

So I won't go into great detail, as this blog is not a true beauty blog (there are many out there that do a FANTASTIC job at this) but I'm been wanting, begging, pleading for some decent eye brushes. I just picked up a 224, a tapered blending brush, but really wanted the discontinued 226 for creasework. My wish list: 217, 219, 239, 208, 249. I'd march right down to my local MAC counter and buy these all if it weren't for the awesome Canadian dollar...If I bought all these on the US website and have them shipped to just across the border my fave US-parcel-pickup, I'd save enough money to get another brush free! I paid $35 CAD for the 224 and it only cost about $25 US! Gah!

And I "lucked" out going to MAC yesterday for the launch of the Wonder Woman collection (I say lucked tongue-in-cheek because it's not so lucky how much I ended up spending!). I didn't think I'd like any of the product, purposeful avoiding all the online reviews, but I ended up testing Marquise'D (lipstick), Emancipation (Lip Glass), and Mighty Aphrodite (duo blush). I ended up liking Mighty Aphrodite so much by the end of the day, I called my MAC counter 10 minutes before closing and asked them to put it on hold for me until my makeover consult (*sigh*) next Saturday. I'm a sucker for LE's (Limited Editions). Kinda rethinking my purchase on Marquise'D, though, as my pigmented lips find it a bit chalky. It looked good with Emancipation, though (hmmm.....).


3. Baby #3

Hold your horses! This ain't a sealed deal yet! Along with my mid-life crisis comes along my ridiculous notion to plan out my life. And life, as I figured it, always included three kids. I don't know when I'm really gonna fit this in, with school and work, so call me Crazy.....

....if I get into grad school for September 2011, I plan to defer admission until 2012, allowing me time to have a baby prior to school. Then I can go to school from 2012 to 2014. By the time I've graduated, the kids will be 9, almost 6, and (if I'm lucky), almost 3 (or just turned 2).

I'll be 40 when I graduate.

Gad! I hadn't realized that! I'm gonna need therapy too....pencil-ling that into the schedule...!

So, if I can have my last kid before the rest of my life pans out, I can ditch the maternity clothes I've got! LOL All kidding aside, the true test is wrapping my head around perhaps having another boy and not getting the girl I'd like to have. Yes, even if God told me right now that my third child will definitely be a boy, I can honestly say that that's ok with me. After all, the two boys I already have brighten my day, who's to say that another boy would be so terrible?

4. House Hunting

For those that don't live in Vancouver, the real estate market here is INSANE! All homes have move than doubled their value in the past in 9 years, making Vancouver one of the hottest real estate markets in the country. The average price of a Vancouver home has reached $1 million.

Our tiny, 4-bdr, 2000 sq ft house averages $700K. In order to upgrade, we're looking at million-dollar homes.

Case-in-point: we recently put in an offer at the asking price of $1.050 million with one little Subject-To-Inspection clause in the contract, and we were outbid, by only $10K though, but no subjects. There are MANY homes that are being sold at $40K to even $120K over-asking. INSANE!

I may never own my dream home here in Vancouver, but maybe I will one day after I get that higher-paying job after grad school, after the baby #3, after.....

...I stop procrastinating.

Signing off Twitter and the blog tonight, to get some rest and start my Letter of Intent!

Parlons Francais, Part Deux

So, we accepted the enrollment spot for french immersion in the Fall.

It took over a week to finally hash it out with my husband, the pros and cons. I was already set on it, having mulled it over while driving to and from work, during running, before drifting off to sleep each night, during commercials of Olympic coverage. I just needed to go through the formality of having actually having a discussion with the hubby before making a final decision.

Technically, we have until this Monday, Feb 22, 3pm, to inform them of our acceptance. I wanted to confirm before the weekend though, in case, through a slight oversight, should the school decide to rescind their offer, pulling a fast joke on us or having had placed their bets that we would never have called back in the first place.

Hubby was hesitant, of course, to agree with me, without so much of an argument, though. He's a brooding-kind of debater, if there was such a thing, and getting him to speak his mind succinctly is like arguing with the wall.

He was concerned with how he would learn to spell dog or cat if they weren't going to teach him that. We would have to help him, by continuing to read to him in English at home, I say. But we're so busy in the evenings as it is, he argues. We'll have to change that, I insist.

But, bottom-line, he just wants him to go to a good school, learn well, and be "more smarter than his father".

As I see it, since hubby hit the nail on the head by admitting out loud his education goals for his son, whatever decision we made is ultimately the best one.

Parlons Francais!

So, today, that long-awaited letter (ok, maybe it just felt like ages!) arrived today, informing us that my son has been guaranteed a space in French Immersion this Fall for kindergarten.

I'm so stoked!

Everyone who got accepted -- about 44 kids -- were to find out by this Friday, Feb 12, if we were accepted or put on a wait-list. We got the letter saying we got in! It was about a 1 in 2 chance of getting into the program, given the number of applicants for spaces.

So now my husband and I have about 10 or so days to talk it over and decide what we're going to do. If we accept the spot, we forfeit our spaces at the other schools we've applied to, which makes sense. We did, at the same time, also receive a letter from our default school that we've been accepted there too. We just haven't heard yet from the third school if there are spaces available and if we would fill one of those spots.

But, assuming we were accepted to all three schools, which school would I choose?

The dilemma in this is that whatever we decide will drastically impact my kids' (yes, BOTH kids) education AND life.

Option 1: Choose the French Immersion school

Pros:

• My younger son would be able to be automatically allowed admission into the program, as would any other siblings that follow (ahem, none yet!);
• My kids would automatically be allowed admission to the French Immersion high school, which happens to be a very good, well-respected school (great Fine Arts & Science programs, complete with IB program too, with grads going to Ivy League schools), a school we probably wouldn't have a chance to get into if he studied "in English" since we'd be out-of-catchment;
• kids in French Immersion grow up and "stay together" through the years, going through school, so they'll have a tight relationship (and I heard the parents are nice too!);
• it's a small school, with a lot of personalized attention and resources;
  
• he gets a chance at a bilingual future, unlike me, who missed the boat when I moved here from Montreal when I was 8 years old.
  

Cons:

• it's only half-day kindergarten next year, while most other schools will be full-day kindergarten. Possible daycare costs to be incurred;
• it's an Annex school, meaning after Grade 3, he'll have to go to the Main School, a little farther away, meaning I'll eventually have two kids in two different schools most of the time;
• until we move, the school is actually in the opposite direction from work, and across a major artery, so morning traffic will be a bitch;
• I still don't know how after-school care will be handled when he's a little older;
• will I still be able to help him out with homework, despite my limited French.
• his English reading and writing skills will likely lag for a few years, taking a while to catch up.
  

Option 2: Stick him in a regular English classroom

Pros:

• his reading and writing skills should develop at the usual rate.

Cons:

• he won't have the same level of French proficiency had he started in FI instead.

As you can see, there are not that many issues when dealing with the English-track curriculum. Not so in the case of the French route: possibly more pros and cons I haven't listed yet.

I'll be doing more research, but I'm leaning on sticking him French Immersion and hoping for the best!

Me Bad! Another Update

I have been just terrible at sitting down and writing any posts! My intentions are good, but I never get a moment to just write and not worry about the content!

And I just wanted to say hello to some of my new followers -- Hello! -- as I meant to say hi earlier but just haven't had the time to do so.

And one of my favourite things to pass the time is going through Google Reader and catching up on blogs posts I follow (and there are a lot!), but I just never have the time these days.

But if it matters, I had started a few blog posts....but just didn't finish them. Is there a still a point of posting them. Hmmm.....

So, in a nutshell, I've been dealing with:

1. Kindergarten Registration: my 4 year old is going to school in the Fall and I had to register him last month. I registered him at his (English) catchment school, which he'll default to if no one else accepts him, and I registered him at the French Immersion catchment school, at which there is currently a lottery underway to see who'll get in.

One of my blog entries I never posted was my take on the whole French Immersion issue, so I won't discuss it here right now.

I also registered him at an out-of-catchment (English) school, a process which included me lining up in front of the school at 5 am, in the dark, until the school opened at 8 am, to secure that possible availability of accepting out-of-bounds students. There's nothing particular terrific about the school, 'cept that it does have a lower ESL (English as a Second Language) percentage than our regular catchment school, and that my next door neighbour has been on the PAC (Parent Advisory Committee) for years, and is currently the Chair. My take is that an excellent PAC that works well with the school administration is a school that takes pride in where it's going in the years ahead and makes for a pleasant school experience.

I'm waiting word this week if we get accepted into French Immersion. My next choice would be that out-of-catchment school I just mentioned, but we won't know if there's any space at the school until about March 1st.

2. Half-Marathon My 12 Weeks training starts tomorrow. I've built up a 100 mile base since October 2009, of which 48 miles were run in the past 4 weeks alone. I'll be following Hal Higdon's Half Marathon - Novice like I did in 2003. The schedule totally works, as I was able to complete my first half marathon in '03 in 2:16:27, and that was just running 3 days/week, not 4 as the schedule suggests. I'm planning on continuing to run 4 days a week, as long as the shins stay injury free, so I'm hoping to break my Personal Best. Here goes!

3. Weight Watchers I officially quit my WW Online subscription, after 8 months. The weight loss has stayed off (35 lbs - yay!) and I've been having trouble tracking my foods for the past 2-3 months. I've been burning over 1200 calories per week for a month now, and I'm eating for fuel for my runs. Again, I have a post I'm in the middle of editing, that shows how you can try WW without having to shell out any money like I did (which wasn't too much, and since it totally worked for me, was so worth the money).

I could babble for longer, but I won't. I'll be back soon, I hope!

If you want a daily dose of what's going on...head to Twitter and follow me . You can also read my recent tweets in my blog's side panel, on the right ---->

Kindergarten Registration

I didn't think that kindergarten would come so fast!

Recently, I've had to really start thinking about where to send my son for kindergarten. I actually didn't about it early enough, since registrations began November 2nd of last year. Had I any smarts, I would've called my prospective schools and inquired about Information Sessions.

Case in point: one of my considerations was French Immersion. Apparently all the FI schools in the city have information nights in mid-November.

Mommy Fail #1: missed those.

Now, I've heard that boys, somewhat lag behind their female classmates in FI, and sometimes struggle severely enough to transfer out of the program. And, FI, in some sense, has been termed elitist in some circles. On the first point, of the kids I know who are in FI, one girl and two boys, all at different schools and different grades, are all enjoying themselves and excelling well. Perhaps, given the chance, my son will excel as well. On the second point, being in an FI program can be exclusive, given the lack of resources to have more schools in the city, but as for elitist, I beg to differ. It doesn't cost more to send kids to a public french immersion school, so family income isn't an issue. It's a matter of personal choice on the parents' part: anyone can apply, but a lottery is usually how most people get in, due, again, to the lack of supply-and-demand principles.

Throw in the curve ball that 60% of Vancouver elementary schools will be going full-day in 2010. The remaining 40% will assume full-day kindergarten (FDK) in 2011. FI schools will only have FDK in 2011, discouraging me from considering applying for any french schools: he's so ready for full-time school.

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See my 2011 Update here.

Help Make Miracles Happen - Buy a Blizzard August 13th, 2009

When you have kids, or at least have a little kid in your life (a niece, a nephew, a friend's kid), you know that you would do ANYTHING to help them in their time of need.

For all the great work that the BC Children's Hospital and The Miracle Network does for all the kids in our beautiful province --- I thank you!

Today, run to your DQ and buy a Blizzard and proceeds go to support these great organizations in helping our Little Heroes survive some of life's greatest challenges.

Read "scatteredmom's" heart-wrenching blog post:
Notes From the Cookie Jar

Potty Training

Not me. My son.

We've had about two weeks, now, of successful potty-going, and I'm glad. He's turning 4 in April and he's just about to bust out of his size 6 diapers, which was the only thing keeping in the leaks at night until about 2 months ago, and since then, we were still getting more leaks than not.

We had two good nights where he didn't wet his bed at all, then after 2 nights of changing bedsheets, I gave up. So, he's wearing a pull-up at night only, and he's cool with that. I notice in the morning that he's gone in there overnight, so it can only be a good thing for this mommy that he's not complaining about wearing a pull-up.

Another accomplishment to celebrate in this household! Phew! Now I only have one bum to change around here!

Cappuccinos

Nothing like finding something you knew you had but haven't enjoyed yet...

Enter my espresso machine.

When you get married, you get a barrage of useful and not-so-useful gifts. Gifts you thought you wanted and when you got them, not so much anymore. Gifts you thought would be great to have because it's pretty, but pretty isn't pretty when it's in a cupboard. And gifts you get that you didn't ask for, but got, and be gracious you got anything in the first place.

I got married 6 years ago, and have TONS of kitchen-stuff I have never used.

Again, enter my espresso machine.

My husband, who gets in these moods, decides to be Mr. Gourmet (with all the baking he does, albeit, always cookies), and he whips out the espresso machine. I did that once eons ago, "whip it out", and although I'm a Starbucks freak and love my coffee, I couldn't figure the thing out. So back in the cupboard you go!

My husband, of all people, figured it out last night. After almost 7 years in the cupboard, I figured the thing was destined for Sally Ann. Well, I must say, I had a pretty darn good cup of espresso last night, and that made me feel, well, darn good! (Given the day I had yesterday, even some tea would have sufficed...but bring on the caffeine!)

So I tried out the thing myself this morning...not bad! I managed to froth myself up some steamed milk too and enjoyed a cappuccino. In fact, I made another one and am enjoying the fruits of my labour. :)

The screaming baby sure sounds a little more distant right now...I'm in heaven, if only for a while.

Fed Up!

I'm tired, cranky, and fed up!

I just want to disappear away from my kids. Is it awful to want some peace from it all? The crying, the whining? I'm about ready to scream at the top of my lungs if my 2-month old doesn't stop crying. I am so tired of having to pick him up every single time he cries. Fed up. Cry, keep on crying! I've had enough!

And my toddler is not helping matters. I'm been trying to potty-train him, but unless you watch him CONSTANTLY, you can't catch him needing to go. I don't want to have to watch him constantly! I don't want to watch endless TV with him. I'm too tired to go outside and let him run around, because I can't get everybody ready to do so. It's just too much...I just want to open the back door and sneak out and not come back for hours. I could never actually do that, of course, but it's really nice to fantasize doing so and escaping this nightmare of a mess called Motherhood.

What have I had today? A cup of coffee and about 3 of my husband's home-baked chocolate chip cookies. Nutritious. Oh, and I ate the crusts of my son's grilled cheese sandwich I made him. Calcium. There's nothing else in the house...grocery shopping is just another one of those tasks left undone here.

Still wailing away....hmm......

I'd call my parents to see if they'd help out, but they're not calling me, so I interpret that as meaning they're happy to have a day to themselves, away from clingy grandkids. Don't blame them. Now, I'm just stuck with them until my husband comes home.

Maternity leave sucks. I'd rather be back at work. Another 11 months to go.

Maybe if I lock myself in the bathroom and cry, I can escape this life for just a moment...but I've got yet another diaper to change.