Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Reading Between The Lines

Ok, this is not a Debbie Gibson post, even though none of you know that Reading Between The Lines came from her 1988 Album Out of The Blue...but I digress...

Have you ever been told something and then thought later, "oh, did they mean ME?" Being oblivious to a lot of things these days, I think this happened to me today.

As you may be aware, I tweeted today about considering joining a cardio kickbox session this summer. 18 classes. Not for the faint-of-heart, literally. The instructor requires a doctor's note approving participation in his program if you've given birth in the past 12 months.

First off, birthing is the most kick-ass workout your body can have (rah rah, mommies!)...but all kidding aside, yes, he wants approval. Having never spoken to the instructor before besides emails, this guy likes to talk. He rambles on on how he believes in the safety of his participants and doesn't want anyone to injure themselves in the process. A verbal yes from the doctor isn't good enough, as I SUPPOSE there are people out there who, because they desire to do their body GOOD and not HARM themselves in the process (!), will actually PRETEND that their doctor said it's okay to join when in fact it would be unsafe, for whatever reasons. Um, why would I intentionally subject myself to the pain of his classes, thinking I was helping myself when in fact the opposite would be true, and waste my money in the process because I hurt myself so bad I would have to bow out and not receive any refunds? I can find plenty of ways to hurt myself (walking included) that don't cost me a dime! Okay, fella, I'll go get that doctor's note...

So my doctor's office is mailing me a note, at no charge (because EVERYTHING is starting to cost something these days). But in the last email the instructor sends me, outlining how his cardio kickboxing class is "unlike any bootcamp class out there", "extremely high-impact", involving "kicking and punching pads at full speed" (oh, so you don't say....BRING IT ON!), he continues to beat me down with his worries about injuries. Okay, I get the picture!

So, here's the kicker. In his post-script, he asks me who referred me to him, as he doesn't advertise and he likes "to screen people coming into the class to make sure they don't bring negative vibes or trouble to the class."

So, with the Mommy Brain I have, it dawns on me an hour later..."does he mean ME? I would bring negative vibes? I would bring trouble? He's screening ME?" I don't get screened...

First off, bring on your silly little martial arts class and let me kick ass. Secondly, I'm the most unobtrusive character he'll probably ever have in his class. I don't talk in large groups (though I can, but refuse to unless asked), I don't crack jokes (though I can, but I doubt anyone would find me funny), and I don't complain (though I can, but why pay him to listen? I get that at home for free!).

Am I reading between the lines, or what? Is it me or was that condescending?

Has this ever happened to you?

PS: The instructor has since emailed me back and acknowledged my misinterpretation of his email. In his lengthy email (again!) he explains his expectations to each new participant and will actually refuse people entry or ask them to leave if this is the case. He has since invited me to watch a class before committing.

Geez, it's like I'm joining The Armed Forces or something.

"Apology" accepted.

Photo Credit:
Boxing Gloves by andysteel


  1. Wow, this reminds of the soup nazi episode on Seinfeld, except it's with a fitness class! He sounds intense. Is intense good or bad in this context? Intense can be annoying. Annoying makes for a frustrating class. In any event, kick some butt!

  2. kick some ass and prove this sucker wrong! i would've interpreted his emails just as you did. he sounds like an ass. does he want your business or not? what is he? a celebrity trainer? probably not. just give him a roundhouse kick to the throat and he'll shut up.

    good luck in the class and congrats on the new weight loss!

  3. So, I signed up!

    I met the guy's wife, and she's super nice, and really made me feel welcome when I came to drop off my registration form a couple of days ago. I ended up watching 3/4 of the class. Some of the girls in the class, sorry, really suck at punching and kicking, while one particular girl (she was a tiny one!) blew me away!

    So far, one friend is joining me in my escapade.

    I can't wait!